me? who on earth is that?

The concept of the self is something I never spent too much time thinking about before I started journaling.  But since unpicking aspects of my ego, subconscious, higher self and soul, it got me thinking.  Which one do I think of when I think of me? 

When we say ‘I’ in a sentence, we are confident in our statements.  Things like: I am intelligent, I have four sisters, I like writing, even I don’t know.  ‘I’ incorporates our whole being.  It’s as if we all share the same name, but it means something completely different to every person who uses it.  

I was confident I knew myself inside and out because of that.  And why wouldn’t I?  I’ve known myself my whole life.  Well, it turned out I didn’t.  

I sat and thought about myself.  Me.  Which one was that?  My higher self is…my higher self.  She’s who I go to when I need guidance for something in the physical world.  I’ve got to know her quite well recently, but she’s not who I think of when I think of me. 

My ego, the same.  I now know when my ego is taking over, so I don’t see her as me either.  Just a little nagging part of me that I can more easily control.  

My subconscious is easier to access recently too, but again I wouldn’t say ‘that is me’.  (There’s probably a lot more of ‘me’ in the subconscious than meets the eye, but that’s a work in progress).

My body is probably the one I would think of if I had to choose, but upon reflection, I know there is so much more to me than my body, my looks, what I choose to wear, and so on.  I would like to think I am far more interesting than what I look like (if I do say so myself).  

And my soul…well, that seems far too other worldly and peaceful to argue that I am my soul in this physical life.  Maybe one day. 

I sat and meditated, with my higher self, and eventually it came to me.  

I imagined ‘me’ as a house. 

The higher self is the parental figure.  She is calm, knows all the answers if you ask her, and is the voice of reason in the house. 

The ego and subconscious are children, although very different.  The ego is competitive, screams loudly about things good and bad, but very protective of everything.  The subconscious observes everything – how to do things, how things work, decides positive and negative events, but is very quiet.  She only speaks when asked to talk about her feelings, but when she does, she has a LOT to say.  

The soul is the energy in the house.  A peaceful, warm hug in every room and a glowing aura around the building.  

And the body is every brick, window and wall.  The colours of the wallpaper, the design and furniture and all the decorations.  It is every pipe carrying water and electricity and a home to everything in there.   

All live together in harmony if they are regularly checked on.  

I returned back from the deep meditation and threw my arms around my whole body in a loving hug.  I hugged myself so hard that I almost heard the childlike ego screaming “get off me!”.  It seemed I had finally realised. 

To be truly in love with myself, me, and know her fully, I had to love and know each aspect of myself with no judgement.  

Since then, negative thoughts and comments about myself have ceased to surface, and when they do, I address them.  Each time, I feel my higher self saying “thank you, but we don’t think like that anymore” and it has changed the way I view myself as a whole being.  

Recently, I would say I know myself better than ever before, purely because of being aware of where my thoughts are coming from in the little house that Grace built.  

Now…if you don’t mind, I’d better get back to restoring some peace and quiet around here.  

Sending all my love and positive energy,

Grace x

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